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Its almost a new year. A new year can mean a new beginning for a lot of people. And this year I plan on being one of them.
This past year has sucked. Hardcore. Some of it was good, don't get me wrong. I met some one who became very important to be very quickly. But the latter part of this year has been bad. Right down to the core bad. There are moments I'll remember and treasure forever, but most of it I wish I could chalk up to a bad dream, pretend it all never happened.
I know a lot of people, including those who are supposed to be my friends but mostly people who really don't know the first thing about me, are going to judge anything I say and twist it to fit their perception of me. And you know what? That's fine. I don't care anymore. One of the things I'm going to work on is not caring when people disappoint me, let me down, or judge me when they don't know me. I've made mistakes, but point out one person who HASN'T and I'll name them the first person who can judge me. You know that whole biblical thing "he who has not sinned shall cast the first stone"? Well there are a hell of a lot of people who are going around throwing shit and they don't have that right. How dare you judge me and assume i'm feeling something when you have no idea what I'm feeling? How dare you call yourself my friend and feed me bullshit about how much you miss me and want things to be the way they used to be and then ignore me. I'm tired of going through the motions with some people. I'm tired of pretending that everything I see and hear doesn't hurt me. So as of the first of the year I'm done trying. I will move on from everything that hurt me this year. I will branch out. I will focus on my career and making myself better. I know, maybe assume, that there is a perception that I need to better myself for different reasons. That one of my new year's resolutions should be to stop being such a whore. Well here is a newsflash: I'm not a whore. People can think that if they want, they can assume things about me all they want, I'm tired of trying to defend myself because no matter what I say, people will not believe me. So go on and think I'm this horrible monster, that I sleep with everything I see, I don't care anymore.
You might ask why am I giving up on certain parts of my life, and the answer to that is, to me, clear. When I let people's opinions get to me, it becomes too much. One such situation lead to me doing something I once promised myself I would never do again. I couldn't handle things, so I wanted to put an end to it, I wanted to put an end to me. I think that's something people don't think about these days, how what they say about someone else, whether its true or not, affects the person who is being talked about. Because of this situation I've started a charity called Heart to Heart, to benefit the suicide hotline. There will be some charity events in the upcoming year and I hope they're a success.
I'm spending the rest of this year with my family, supporting my mom's gallery opening on New Year's eve, before going back to the North West to finish filming twilight. So I'll be relaxing with my family, which is really the best way to finish out the first decade of the new millennium.
I know some people might be pissed off or hurt by my new years resolution to essentially say out with the bad in with the good, but i'm not going to look back. There has been plenty of time for people to show me that the feeling I have is wrong. And that hasn't happened.
EDIT:Whoever decided to comment anonymously epitomizes exactly why I wrote this and exactly why I feel this change is necessary. It takes two to destroy a friendship. I deleted your comment because you're hiding. But here it is, for all to remember: stop playing the victim and take a nice long look at yourself. you're the only one ruining your so called friendships.
Don't hide behind anonymity. If you have something to say, say it to my face.
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